A Strange New Sound

 

Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you

”The Air That I Breathe”, The Hollies

 

Ah, my friends, to breathe is a wonderful thing.

Just a week ago, I had nasal polyps completely blocking any air from entering my left nostril, and partially blocking the right one, a condition that had persisted for months. The task of breathing was mostly relegated to my mouth, which was highly annoying.

(the task, that is, not my mouth)

(though my mouth can also be highly annoying)

But now, thanks to endoscopic nasal surgery, I can take in precious oxygen through both sides of my nose. Yaaayy!!

Sorry, but when you’ve been denied something for so long, to finally have it again is a big deal. (Some husbands might identify with this feeling.)

And you know it’s been a long time when you notice a sound that’s, at first, unfamiliar to you, but then, you finally recognize the sound of air entering your nose.

A beautiful sound, I tell you.

My sincere thanks to the surgeon and the hospital staff, whose care and professionalism were present all the way through this procedure.

And thanks to all who had me on their minds last Friday morning as I was having this done. I felt all your well wishes.

Everyone, take a deep breath, and appreciate how easy it is.

And, if it isn’t, go see a doctor. Breathing is kind of important.

The Straight Poop (or, Excrementally Yours)

 

NOTE: To you-know-who, don’t let Jason ever read this.

 

So, as many of you know, I drive a shuttle bus in a part of town, all day, five days a week. Actually, I drive from one town to another and back, which is funny when you consider I just drive one mile each direction.

Anyway, both these towns are home to some very well-to-do people.

Which, as occurred to me today, explains the prevalence of pickup trucks rolling through the neighborhood, advertising pet poop pickup service.

I wouldn’t lie about something like this, although “pet poop pickup” is kinda fun to say, I must admit.

I mean, obviously, these well-off folks would never stoop (literally) to doing such a vulgar, disgusting chore so, thank God, there is someone available to do it for them.

Naturally, this raises a few questions:

  • First of all, where were these guys on Career Day in school? They could have seriously altered the trajectory of my life.
  • Who was the first person to say, “Hey, I can get paid for picking up this stuff!”
  • Likewise, who was the first person to say, “Hey, I can pay someone to pick up this stuff!”
  • What kind of experience lends itself to this kind of career? (I’m thinking, ex-Trump staff member, perhaps.)
  • What must the training process be like for this work?
  • Do you get to wear a suit, like those HAZMAT guys wear?
  • What opportunity for advancement is there? Can you get promoted, maybe to Master Scooper? Expert Scooper? Super Duper Scooper?
  • Would you even feel like taking a lunch break? Ever?
  • And why have I seen ads for more than one company? Is there seriously competition for this job?
  • What does it sound like when these guys “talk shop?” Example:

MOE: How’s business?

CURLY: Oh, it’s picking up, how about you?

MOE: Oh, I’m cleaning up, man!

  • Do the dogs get to know you well enough to plan for your visits?
  • Have I really written over 300 words on this topic?

 

I obviously have way too much time to think.