Month: January 2017

I Need To Listen

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Note To My White Self

Note to my white self…

You need to listen.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but – when it comes to discussions of racism with people of color – you have difficulty listening. You have convinced yourself that you are color blind, that you treat everyone equally regardless of the color of their skin and that any criticism you make of people of color is based on their behavior or attitudes and not their race.  So when a person of color says something about white people, you stop listening.  You don’t think they are talking about you.

They probably are.

You need to listen to people of color. They are experts when it comes to white people.  They have spent their entire lives surrounded by white people.  They don’t have to befriend a white person to understand them.  White people have been their teachers and their bosses.  They’ve watched us…

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Makes Me So Mad

/ justdrivewillyou / 2 Comments

 

I come home from work at night, to a nice house, with a fridge and pantry full of food, a sturdy roof over my head, and a warm and cozy bed to sleep in…

…and waiting for me there is my loving, devoted wife of nearly 33 years, along with my two precious, beautiful black cats, who are excited that Dad’s home, and it hits me how incredibly fortunate I am…

…and in that moment, I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in my life. Even better, I have this moment five times a week!

But, then, there’s this depression thing…

…that shows up from time to time, uninvited, and pulls me down into an overwhelming blackness, where it goes through its regular pitch about how life really sucks, how nothing you want to do is really worth the effort, how the world is evermore rapidly declining so what’s the point, and how you’re just a worthless, useless, hopeless piece of nothing, and why are you still even around…

…and, obviously, I’m not so happy, then.

And, too often, I will visit both these ends of the spectrum in the same day.

It certainly isn’t boring.

 

Of course, the depression never really leaves. Even in my happy moments, there is still this undercurrent of anger, which is how depression typically shows up in men.

What am I angry about, you ask? Well, any number of things, but mostly, I stay angry at myself for mistakes I’ve made, and continue to make, in my life.

Yeah, I know we all make them, and I shouldn’t be so tough on myself, forgive and forget, etc.

But, even when I can bring myself to forgive, which isn’t always, I can never seem to pull off that forget part.

I mean, how can I forget? It happened, it’s in my memory; how am I supposed to get it out? That’s what I struggle with. I envy people like my wife, who can just let stuff go, and put things behind her, and it seems like it should just be so easy, but it isn’t for me.

For one, certain circumstances in my life are constant reminders of some past mistake. It’s kind of hard to forget something you’ve done when you’re always reminded of it, you know?

I guess I should talk to someone about this. Besides all of you, I mean. A professional. Someone who can maybe help me cut loose all this weight I’m dragging around.

My body already drags enough around, as is.

I do cherish the happy times, though, when they come. I do, really. I’d just like them to come more often, and the other times, less often.

I’d like that very much.

 

I Don’t Understand Racism

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Note To My White Self

Note to my white self…

You don’t understand racism.

I know you’re trying and that’s admirable. Empathy is a noble attribute.  When thousands of people in a society want to understand something, change happens.  You saw this dynamic when mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters wanted to understand the lives of their gay and lesbian children or siblings.  This societal empathy brought about the rapid acceptance of same sex marriage and the normalization of homosexuality.  That’s all good.

Unfortunately, when it comes to racism, empathy and change are more difficult. Too few white people have spouses, children, or siblings who are people of color.  Most don’t even have people of color as friends.  If they did, racism might be less of a problem in America.  It’s hard to hate the people you love.   Racism would become personal rather than an abstraction.  That’s what happened to you.  Think about how having a…

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The Truth in Black and White

/ justdrivewillyou / 4 Comments

 
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

“Man in the Mirror”, Michael Jackson

Songwriters
SIEDAH GARRETT, GLEN BALLARD

Published By
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

 

This is for all my nonwhite readers out there.

 

I was never brought up to hate people of color. I was taught we were all God’s children. As kids in church, we learned that song with the line, “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.” We’re all loved the same.

I’m aware of, and repulsed by, the atrocities committed against blacks throughout the long, bigoted history of this country, from slavery all the way to death by police shooting. I’m aware of the second-class treatment you receive in regards to such basic needs as housing, education and employment, and of the injustice of that.

I do not believe in a “superior” race, or class. I believe this whole “white supremacy” thing is bull$#!t. I believe in equality. You should have the same rights as me. You should have the same opportunities as me.

I believe in, and greatly admire, the nobility and courage of people like Rosa Parks, Jackie Robinson and Martin Luther King, Jr. I think it’s great this country elected a black man for President of the United States. Twice.

And, yet…

I’ve been part of the problem.

I’ve told the jokes. I’ve attached the stereotypes. I’ve used the derogatory names. (Always, behind your back.)

I’ve looked at you at times with condescension, at other times with suspicion. Even fear.

I’ve actually tried to ingratiate myself to you by talking like you, imitating you. (Got called out for that once, too.)

In short, while being strongly against systematic, institutionalized racism, I myself have been the definition of a racist. Which is something I never wanted to be.

And, it probably won’t surprise you to learn, I’ve treated people of various other races in much the same way.

I actually thought it was, for the most part, harmless. Hey, us white folks get made fun of too, right?

Yeah, that’s really lame, I know.

So, for me to then speak in outrage against the injustice of racism, without first owning what is in my own heart, would be highly hypocritical.

So, I’m owning it. Whatever I’ve said, done, thought or felt toward any member of a race other than my own that was insulting, demeaning or judgmental.

I’ve been part of the problem far too long. I’m ready to be part of the solution.

So, I sincerely apologize for, and renounce, my old racist ways. Though I know changing my attitudes won’t be flick-of-the-switch easy, I’m going to stay with it until my old bad habits are gone and replaced with new good ones.

I’m sure some of you may be skeptical about this resolution of mine, and I don’t blame you. All I can say is, I’m just taking Michael’s advice.

I hope a lot of us do. Nobody is born racist. It’s learned. It can be unlearned.

Peace.