Lately, things have been pretty good for me on the mental front. I haven’t been very depressed. Hardly at all, really.
And it dawned on me today why that most likely is: I haven’t done any major screwup recently.
See, that’s what usually sends me in a downward spiral of emotions, when I mess up big time. That’s when I go through the whole you’re hopeless, you’re worthless, you should just do everyone a favor and die routine. I’ve practiced it a lot over the years.
And sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be a big screwup. Sometimes, just a little mistake can start the avalanche that eventually buries me in self-hatred.
Yeah, we’re all human, everybody makes mistakes, cut yourself some slack, blah, blah, blah.
I’m telling you, none of that helps when depression works its magic in your mind and says, Nobody f***s up more than you, idiot. Nobody.
So, I guess I just need to not ever screw up really bad again, and I’ll stay happy.
Well, given my history and my common sense deficiency, I’m pretty sure that ain’t happenin’.
So, I guess I’ll just enjoy this lucky streak I’m on for as long as it lasts.
I know it will happen soon enough.