#Where’s Me?

 

I’m still here, for better or worse.

One of the things you deal with when you have depression is an inability to concentrate. Your mind becomes somewhat scattered, and it’s hard to focus for any length of time.

In my case, I have a hard time reading a blog, let alone, writing one. Writing is generally something I enjoy, but when it’s this much of a chore, it takes away the fun.

Or maybe, I just don’t like having to work harder. Frankly, I’ve never liked it. I know it’s supposed to be rewarding in the end but, Jeez…

Anyway, that’s why I have a few blog posts started, but none finished, and why you haven’t heard from me in awhile. I have an upcoming appointment with my psychiatrist to see if, perhaps, my medication needs some tweaking. I’m feeling like, maybe it does. We’ll see.

 

In the meantime, a few short takes, since that’s about as long as I can stay on any one topic:

If you seriously think a wall at the border is gonna keep anybody out, you’re incredibly naive. Period.

Does anyone really need to hear the State of the Union address? I say, let’s skip it this year. Maybe, next year, too.

Newly elected Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez gets my early vote for Congressperson of the Year. If you don’t know her, Google her. And incidentally, I’m thrilled to see the diversity in this Congress. Fewer old white guys in there is a good thing, far as I’m concerned.

Let’s be clear about climate change. The planet Earth is not in any danger; we are. The planet will keep right on going long after we’ve brought about our own extinction. Which we’re currently on the fast track to doing.

I can’t stand the New England Patriots, but I gotta give it up for quarterback Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick, going to their ninth Super Bowl together! That’s just plain crazy. I still hope they lose.

Congatulations to former New York Yankees pitcher Mariano Rivera, the first player to ever be elected to the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame by a unanimous vote. Not Ruth, not Cobb, not Williams, not Robinson, not Mays, nor any of the immortals who have entered the Hall before him. That’s how significant this is.

 

So, I guess I’ll close for now. At least, I didn’t quit on this one halfway through, so I feel pretty good about that. Take care, y’all.

Just Park, Will You?

 

Lately, I’m not happy with anything I write, and it gets really frustrating.

But today, I think I’ve figured out the reason.

I believe that, two and a half years into this blog, I have just run out of anything worthwhile to say.

I think I need to go on sabbatical for awhile. So, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

I apologize to any of you who sit by your computer, anxiously awaiting my next post. (assuming anyone actually does that.) The wait is gonna be a bit longer this time.

I will be back, I promise. Just not sure when. But, I need a little time.

Hopefully, I will reward your patience. Thanks so much for following me this far. I genuinely appreciate your support.

Meantime, I wish you love, peace, health and happiness.

Later, y’all. 😘

Have Your Say

 

Election time is upon us, America.

I’m not here to endorse any candidate, or any party, or any other item on your ballot. That’s strictly your business.

I’m here to endorse voting. I want to encourage you to do that.

This is when you get to have a say in what kind of government, what kind of America, you want to see.

This is when you get to use your superpower as a citizen of this country; you can determine the direction it will go.

You may like how things are going, and want to vote for keeping it just humming along. You may be deeply dissatisfied with the current state of affairs, and want to vote for change.

What you cannot do, and must not do, is be apathetic, and not vote at all.

But, apparently, a lot of us do just that. (Yes, I said us, including me.) We just don’t show up, especially for these midterm elections; typically, about 40%. Barely more than 36% of us voted in the last midterms.

And that’s a shame.

Voting is our privilege, our right, and our responsibility. We shouldn’t skip it because we just don’t give a $#!t, or because we think our vote means nothing. What if everybody felt that way? Do we really want 40% of us to decide what happens to 100% of us?

Election Day is Tuesday, November 6th. You have time to learn where to go to cast your vote. If, like me, you can’t make it to the polls that day, you have time to find where to go and vote early. If you can’t make it there at all, go to https://www.vote411.org to learn how you can still cast your vote.

I’m gonna vote this year. I sincerely hope you do, too. 🗳

An Open Letter

 

TO: Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee

Fellas, (because you don’t deserve to be called gentlemen),

Congratulations! Your votes Friday confirmed a sexual assaulter’s nomination for the United States Supreme Court. Sexual assaulter Brett Kavanaugh is just a Senate vote away from serving on the highest court in the land.

A proud day, indeed. Kavanaugh and Clarence Thomas can swap some good stories, no doubt.

I would just like to make one request of you.

After you’ve gone out and celebrated with the boys over this victory, I want you to go to every woman in your life and explain to her why you voted as you did. I want you to justify your actions to each of them, and assure them that what you did was right.

I also want you to instruct them that, if they ever have to testify in front of a panel of cranky old men about the most horrifying, degrading, humiliating event of their life, be sure to have some “corroborating evidence”, or their testimony will hold absolutely no water.

I want you to look each of them in the eyes, and tell them you truly value and respect women, unless they interfere with getting your man on the Supreme Court.

And lastly, I want you to tell every woman in America that you’re counting on her vote on Election Day.

Sincerely,

A pissed-off old man who’s utterly ashamed of every one of you.

 

BELIEVE THE WOMEN!!!

To the Young Men and Women of America, From the GOP

One of my favorite blogs is called Stuff That Needs to Be Said, by John Pavlovitz. (https://www.johnpavlovitz.com) I want to share his latest post with you, in light of Thursday’s drama regarding Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh: 

 

Warning: The following may be triggering for survivors of abuse.)

To Young Men and Women of America,

Have you heard us?
Is our message getting through?

We’ve been talking to you this week, trying to make sure you understand who we are, what kind of America we’re building here, the future nation we’re dreaming of.

We think we’ve been clear and compelling in our declarations, and we’ve done our best not to leave any ambiguity as to our hearts or our plans or our intentions.

We think our tirades and our condescension and our insults and our sneering tantrums have spoken eloquently about us and about you.

We hope Lindsey and Donald and Chuck and Orrin and Mitch and Brett and Susan have made a strong case—but if not, let us be more explicit in these moments, so there can be no confusion. After all, November is coming and we want you to be certain…

To the Young Men of America,

You can do whatever you want to young women.

You can disregard their humanity,
force yourself on them physically,
ignore their pleas to stop,
proceed without consent,
hurt them,

humiliate them,
indulge your urges,
treat them as property,
and silence, slander, and intimidate them after the fact.

You can do this as often as you like, to as many young girls as opportunity and your desires allow.

We will have your back (providing you are white, wealthy, and one day vote Republican.)

We will marshal our every resource of finance and position and privilege in protecting and defending you.

You will receive sanctuary in our midst, regardless of the horrors you are responsible for or the recklessness and brazenness of your conduct.

We will help you in any way we can, to malign your accuser’s character, destroy their credibility, and embarrass them further.

We will blame alcohol or her memory or her behavior in the past.
We will talk about your viciousness in ways designed to make it seem commonplace.
We will paint you in as flattering a portrait as we can, so that you actually come out looking like the victim, so that the accusations are actually a help.
We will have no loyalty to the truth or to goodness or decency, if such things pose a threat to either your narrative or our prosperity.
We’ll use the invaluable resource of the Evangelical Church to even make supporting you, part of God’s will.

If no other option is available, we will simply ignore what you’ve done. (After all we installed a President that way.)

We will never allow the violence you make young women endure, to prevent you from having opportunity and advancement and success. 

We can promise you that.

And to Young Women of America,

You don’t matter.

Not your trauma or your pain,
not the innocence you lose,
not the damage you sustain,
not the scars you are marked by,
not the nightmares you are haunted by,
not the peace you no longer find, 
not the confidence that leaves you,
not the fear that is ever present,
not the shame that you cannot shake,
not the silence you are imprisoned by.

We simply do not see you as valuable—at least not as valuable as the status quo we’re protecting or the legislation we’re coveting or the religion we’re perpetuating or the votes we’re needing.

You are the acceptable collateral damage of our misogyny and entitlement.

Your body, your emotional health, and your sense of safety—simply aren’t worth more than a Supreme Court seat.

Of course, should a pregnancy somehow be created by your violation, we will vigorously demand that you be forced to carry it, even if it exacerbates your pain and magnifies your despair. After all, we urgently need to perpetuate the appearance that we are pro-life—just not your life.

We can imagine this is less than ideal for you, but we hope you understand that this is how it has always been, and we are counting on you to indulge us one last time, and we appreciate your cooperation. 

So, young men and women of America, we hope you see us with clarity.
We hope that in these days, we are exposing ourselves fully.
We hope you know who we are now.

We’ll see you in November.

Sincerely,

The Republican Party of 2018

 

If you are a survivor and you need help, or if you want to find out how you can be an advocate for survivors, here are some places to start:

RAINN
National Sexual Assault Hotline
EROC (End Rape on Campus)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Safe Horizon
INCITE (For Women, Gender Non-Conforming, and Trans people of Color)
On Eagle’s Wings Ministries
Human Rights Campaign (LGBTQ)
NCLR Nation Center for Lesbian Rights 
Not Alone
Safe Helpline (Victim support for members of Military)

I Started a Speech, and Started the Whole World Laughing

 

He literally had the world laughing at him Tuesday.

Speaking before the United Nations General Assembly, President donald trump broke the crowd of world leaders up with this surefire knee-slapper:

In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country,”

Oh, that line just killed.

The assembled world leaders started laughing at him. Laughing at him!

Just think of that. The sheer spectacle of the President of the United States being laughed at in the United Nations.

To which he somewhat sheepishly rejoined: “Didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s okay.” (yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk…)

Probably expected a thunderous ovation. Maybe a parade around the U.N. building.

No. The leaders of the world treated him like it was Open Mic Night at the Improv.

Because they know a joke when they hear one. And when they see one.

 

We need a President who won’t be a laughing stock to the entire World.

Donald Trump tweet, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Stay Here With Me

 

Today, September 10, is World Suicide Prevention Day.

And I have a message for you.

If you’re thinking about killing yourself…

If you’re thinking that life is just too hard to take…

If you’re thinking that there’s no hope, no other option…

If you’re thinking that you’re a hopeless case…

That you’re utterly worthless…

That everyone would be better off without you around…

That no one understands the depths of your pain…

That you’re just tired of trying to get through day after f###ed-up day…

That you’re all alone…

I promise you, I have thought every single one of those things. And more. Pretty recently, in fact.

And I’m still here. And I’m glad.

Life may look pitch black from your view, but I’m telling you: there is a light.

And if you need some help finding it, there are some people who can give you that.

In the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 800-273-8255. Internationally, visit http://www.iasp.info to find help near you.

Believe me, I know life sucks, but I don’t know anybody who can help you get through death.

So stay here with me, and live. Let’s face this together.

Who knows? We might even end up liking it.

What a Day That Was

 

Wow.

Wednesday was, without a doubt, the hardest day emotionally in a long time for me.

Depression placed a huge rock on my shoulders early in the day, and there it stayed all day long. I could feel the weight of it pushing down on me, getting progressively heavier.

It hurt. Physically hurt.

By the time I arrived home that evening, I was crushed under the weight of it.

Almost to death. At least, wishing for it.

 

I can’t really put my finger on any specific thing that triggered it all. It would be nice if I could, so I’d recognize it next time. (next time??)

I don’t know; it was like anxiety, pessimism, insecurity, self-criticism, and just anyone who wanted to join in, were all waiting on the corner to beat the $#!t out of me when I showed up.

And, boy, did they do a good job. It was just about too much to take.

 

And then, I got home, and I asked my wife to hug me and tell me she loves me while I wept on her shoulder.

So she did. And in the process, she pushed that stupid rock off of me. I so don’t know what I’d do without her.

(Oh, and my cats provided some additional therapy. 🐱 It was appreciated.)

Later, my wife reassured me of all the good things in my life, and there are plenty, I know. But, as I explained to her, the insidious thing about depression is, it persuades you that none of that matters; you’re worthless, and your life sucks, end of story.

It’s mean, y’all.

 

I’m gonna share my good days and bad days with you, just in case any of you out there think you’re alone in this fight. Believe me, you’re not.

I know I should have some kind of defense for this. Something to help me stop this before it spirals out of control.

And maybe I do. I just couldn’t think of it Wednesday.

Also, I may need to ask my psychiatrist for a change of medication. This stuff I’ve been taking for years may not be so effective, anymore.

But, thank goodness, at least I had a lifeline, and all I can say is, if you have a problem with depression or any other mental illness, find a lifeline for you.

I don’t care who; it could just be a stranger at the other end of a phone line who, in that moment of utter desperation, can be the best friend you ever had, and push that rock off of you.

I wish you all no days like the one I just had.

I wish that for me, too.

Thanks for your time.

 

One-Two Punch

 

From the Associated Press:

“WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump’s former personal lawyer has pleaded guilty to campaign finance violations and his former campaign chairman convicted for financial fraud, raising questions about the president’s own legal jeopardy…

“Most damaging to Trump were statements by his longtime attorney and “fixer” Michael Cohen, who pleaded guilty in New York, saying he and Trump had arranged the payment of hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels and a former Playboy model to influence the election…

“In a split screen for the history books, Trump’s former campaign chairman Paul Manafort was convicted of financial crimes at nearly the same moment Tuesday Cohen pleaded guilty to a series of felonies, including campaign finance violations that the lawyer said he carried out in coordination with Trump.”

 

That sound you heard yesterday afternoon was something hitting the fan. Twice.

Mr. trump can scream, “RIGGED WITCH HUNT!!!” until his ship goes all the way underwater, but the fates of Mr. Cohen and Mr. Manafort in two separate courtrooms blew two two great big holes in his mighty vessel. Let’s see what he does as he takes on water.

You might guess, from my past writings, that I would be positively giddy over this turn of events. And yes, I admit it’s very satisfying for me to watch this guy get what’s coming. I hope the rest of his historically dysfunctional administration does, as well.

And yet, this is a sad state of affairs for our nation. Worse than Nixon and Watergate, worse than Clinton and Lewinsky/Flowers/Jones/etc., this President has shamed and defiled his office, and his “winning” facade is about to be exposed for the travesty that it is.

And that, if nothing else, is sad.

I know many of you will disagree, perhaps vehemently, with what I’m saying. That’s alright; you have your opinion, and I have mine. However you feel about it, though, get used to this.

I think we’re just getting warmed up, here. This is just Round One.

Dispatch From Inside the Paper Bag

 

It’s a common criticism of an average or below average boxer to say he “can’t punch his way out of a paper bag.” Sometimes, even “a wet paper bag.” It implies a hapless palooka who is too weak/inept/cowardly to effectively land a punch.

Well, folks, I am that boxer.

My fight is against depression, as many of you know. Unfortunately, two of depression’s harder punches are loss of interest and lack of concentration.

So basically, I don’t even feel like fighting, usually. Hence, the long period of no posts on this blog. I’ll start a few of them, but following through is next to impossible; I can’t concentrate, and I don’t care.

Sucks, right?

I’m still here, though, in case you were concerned. And maybe sometime, I’ll finally land a punch. I do want to win this fight, really.

But I’m afraid we’re gonna go several more rounds.