I found this list on the blog, Coalition of the Brave, which is appropriate. Contacting anyone on it is an act of bravery. Thanks to darthtimon for putting this together, along with ones for the UK and Australia. Use them if you need them; there is no shame. Be well. – Larry
If you or someone you know is in crisis, pleasecall 911, go to the nearest emergency room, call1-800-273-TALK(8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center, ortext MHA to 741741at the Crisis Text Line.
You can also call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 at the SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline. Trained crisis workers will listen to you and direct you to the resources you need.
If you feel suicidal or you’re in a crisis situation and need immediate assistance, people at these suicide hotlines in the U.S. are there to help. We have additionalsuicide information and resourceshere.
Just a note: These are resources that we have come across that may prove helpful…
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Note: I’m telling this story from a heterosexual viewpoint, because I am one, but I feel pretty certain it’s basically the same, regardless of your sexual preference.
This one is tough to write. It makes me uncomfortable, but I’m hoping it leads to a bigger conversation I think is worth having.
When you’re a guy, the pull of pornography is a strong one.
It starts even before puberty, the looking at “nasty pictures” of naked girls. It’s not about stimulation then, it’s about just being naughty. It’s in our teenage years that the motivation behind looking at them changes.
Now they’re stimulating. Now they’re exciting. And they’re naughty.
Those pictures, along with our now hormone-fueled brains, inform the way we look at every nubile female in our line of sight. What were once germ-infested, alien life forms suddenly become objects of overwhelming, insatiable lust.
And we tend to look at them that way for the rest of our lives.
As if that’s not bad enough, porn is the gasoline we sometimes like to throw on that fire.
And, I believe, is what has gotten us to where we are in our attitude about women, which has produced this whole culture of sexual assault.
Because the appeal of porn for guys, of course, is the vicarious thrill of having any woman, anytime, anywhere, for any sexual encounter. And since society largely finds porn to be, at the very least, distasteful, there is the additional appeal of engaging in something forbidden, taboo. We all like to be bad sometimes, don’t we?
Well, is it any stretch to think that if some guy watched enough of that, it would carry over into how he viewed women in real life? How he treated them? How he regarded them sexually? No doubt, he would feel justified in having any woman he damn well wanted.
Because, as far as he’s concerned, they all want it. Even the ones who say no.
And that’s what sexual assault is about. Not the actual sex. It’s about the feeling of power, of control.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying every guy who looks at porn wants to go out and rape a bunch of women. But, it’s not tough to see how one behavior can lead to another. In fact, there’s plenty of research to suggest that sexual objectification of women often leads to aggressive behavior toward them.
And yet, women who are sexually assaulted are seldom believed, often grilled and, in one instance, mocked by the President of the United States, of all people. Society seems to have this twisted idea that the woman must have asked for it, in her manner, in her wardrobe, something. Why is it so hard to believe she could be telling the truth?
Does our culture now view women to generally be horny, sex-crazed sluts who want it all the time, even when they say they don’t?
And what part has pornography played in shaping that view?
So, back to my original point:
As I said at the beginning, pornography has a strong attraction to guys, like the sirens of Greek mythology, whose seductive singing from the shoreline lured many a sailor to certain shipwreck on the rocks. There’s probably not a man alive – myself included – who hasn’t, at some point succumbed to its attraction. And no matter how much they tell themselves that it’s demeaning, and degrading, and disrespectful of the women in their lives, the sirens remain in their ears.
Not that men are totally helpless. Self-control does still exist. But when even some mainstream advertisements skate right on the edge of soft-core porn, and push their products using objectified images of women; when pornography is so much more accessible on cable TV and the Internet; when, besides topless and nude bars, we now have these chains of “breastaurants”, intentionally staffed with curvaceous women in deliberately revealing outfits…
It sure does make resistance tougher, you know?
Now, just as an aside, if porn is used by couples to help/enhance their sex life, as long as both partners are on the same page about it, that’s different. Where porn becomes harmful, as it does in many relationships, is when it’s a secret, when one partner is unaware of the other’s indulgence. Because, if and when the secret comes out, it makes for serious strife, damaging the relationship badly, perhaps irreparably.
I apologize; I got a bit long-winded. But, as I said at the outset, I think this is something we need to talk about if we’re going to bring change to our culture that is more respectful of women.
And, I feel pretty safe in saying, unfortunately, that’s gonna be a slow process. So, we need to get started right away.
As I’ve said before on this blog, I believe that it’s time that we men do a serious reassessment of how we look at, and talk about, and treat women.
Apparently, judging by their recent ad that generated so much controversy, Gillette feels the same way. I salute them for putting the message out there, that men can be better than they are in several ways, including their behavior towards women. I hope more companies follow suit.
Guys, you know we’ve always excused our treatment of women with a shrug, a smile and a Whaddya expect? We’re guys!
Well, if you’ve been paying attention the last couple of years, you’ve surely noticed that women are up to here with that. They’ve made it very clear the way it’s always been will no longer be tolerated. And they are taking a stand for the respect that is due them in both their professional and personal relationships.
So, I just want you to know, ladies: I’ve been listening, and I am trying to change my mindset, but it’s an almost 60-year-old mindset, and the process is slow.
Because, man, I see a lot of beautiful women where I work, and it’s easy to look at them just as bodies, and not as complete people, with actual lives. And not just at work either. At the mall, at the fast food restaurant, anywhere there are women, basically.
So, to help me, I’ve created this little acronym, WAP2, to remind me that Women Are People, Too. I haven’t fully absorbed this lesson yet, but maybe, at some point, I’ll get there. I’m about as far away from perfect as it gets, believe me, but I am trying to make some improvements here and there.
Like the Nobel laureate Bob Dylan once said, “The times, they are a-changin’.” For the better, in this case. Women are finding the courage to speak out against men’s disgraceful, demeaning treatment of them, and it’s been a long time coming.
Fellas, time for us to act like men, not boys. Men respect women. Remember, WAP2.
TO: Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee
Fellas, (because you don’t deserve to be called gentlemen),
Congratulations! Your votes Friday confirmed a sexual assaulter’s nomination for the United States Supreme Court. Sexual assaulter Brett Kavanaugh is just a Senate vote away from serving on the highest court in the land.
A proud day, indeed. Kavanaugh and Clarence Thomas can swap some good stories, no doubt.
I would just like to make one request of you.
After you’ve gone out and celebrated with the boys over this victory, I want you to go to every woman in your life and explain to her why you voted as you did. I want you to justify your actions to each of them, and assure them that what you did was right.
I also want you to instruct them that, if they ever have to testify in front of a panel of cranky old men about the most horrifying, degrading, humiliating event of their life, be sure to have some “corroborating evidence”, or their testimony will hold absolutely no water.
I want you to look each of them in the eyes, and tell them you truly value and respect women, unless they interfere with getting your man on the Supreme Court.
And lastly, I want you to tell every woman in America that you’re counting on her vote on Election Day.
A pissed-off old man who’s utterly ashamed of every one of you.
BELIEVE THE WOMEN!!!
One of my favorite blogs is called Stuff That Needs to Be Said, by John Pavlovitz. (https://www.johnpavlovitz.com) I want to share his latest post with you, in light of Thursday’s drama regarding Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh:
Warning: The following may be triggering for survivors of abuse.)
To Young Men and Women of America,
Have you heard us?
Is our message getting through?
We’ve been talking to you this week, trying to make sure you understand who we are, what kind of America we’re building here, the future nation we’re dreaming of.
We think we’ve been clear and compelling in our declarations, and we’ve done our best not to leave any ambiguity as to our hearts or our plans or our intentions.
We think our tirades and our condescension and our insults and our sneering tantrums have spoken eloquently about us and about you.
We hope Lindsey and Donald and Chuck and Orrin and Mitch and Brett and Susan have made a strong case—but if not, let us be more explicit in these moments, so there can be no confusion. After all, November is coming and we want you to be certain…
To the Young Men of America,
You can do whatever you want to young women.
You can disregard their humanity,
force yourself on them physically,
ignore their pleas to stop,
proceed without consent,
indulge your urges,
treat them as property,
and silence, slander, and intimidate them after the fact.
You can do this as often as you like, to as many young girls as opportunity and your desires allow.
We will have your back (providing you are white, wealthy, and one day vote Republican.)
We will marshal our every resource of finance and position and privilege in protecting and defending you.
You will receive sanctuary in our midst, regardless of the horrors you are responsible for or the recklessness and brazenness of your conduct.
We will help you in any way we can, to malign your accuser’s character, destroy their credibility, and embarrass them further.
We will blame alcohol or her memory or her behavior in the past.
We will talk about your viciousness in ways designed to make it seem commonplace.
We will paint you in as flattering a portrait as we can, so that you actually come out looking like the victim, so that the accusations are actually a help.
We will have no loyalty to the truth or to goodness or decency, if such things pose a threat to either your narrative or our prosperity.
We’ll use the invaluable resource of the Evangelical Church to even make supporting you, part of God’s will.
If no other option is available, we will simply ignore what you’ve done. (After all we installed a President that way.)
We will never allow the violence you make young women endure, to prevent you from having opportunity and advancement and success.
We can promise you that.
And to Young Women of America,
You don’t matter.
Not your trauma or your pain,
not the innocence you lose,
not the damage you sustain,
not the scars you are marked by,
not the nightmares you are haunted by,
not the peace you no longer find,
not the confidence that leaves you,
not the fear that is ever present,
not the shame that you cannot shake,
not the silence you are imprisoned by.
We simply do not see you as valuable—at least not as valuable as the status quo we’re protecting or the legislation we’re coveting or the religion we’re perpetuating or the votes we’re needing.
You are the acceptable collateral damage of our misogyny and entitlement.
Your body, your emotional health, and your sense of safety—simply aren’t worth more than a Supreme Court seat.
Of course, should a pregnancy somehow be created by your violation, we will vigorously demand that you be forced to carry it, even if it exacerbates your pain and magnifies your despair. After all, we urgently need to perpetuate the appearance that we are pro-life—just not your life.
We can imagine this is less than ideal for you, but we hope you understand that this is how it has always been, and we are counting on you to indulge us one last time, and we appreciate your cooperation.
So, young men and women of America, we hope you see us with clarity.
We hope that in these days, we are exposing ourselves fully.
We hope you know who we are now.
We’ll see you in November.
The Republican Party of 2018
If you are a survivor and you need help, or if you want to find out how you can be an advocate for survivors, here are some places to start:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
EROC (End Rape on Campus)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
INCITE (For Women, Gender Non-Conforming, and Trans people of Color)
On Eagle’s Wings Ministries
Human Rights Campaign (LGBTQ)
NCLR Nation Center for Lesbian Rights
Safe Helpline (Victim support for members of Military)
Cogito Ergo Sum
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