Because we sure could use some laughs…
Today I’d like to share a collection of funny quotes.
Because of the simple power of taking a laugh break.
A laugh break is just 5-15 minutes when you watch, read or listen to something that makes you laugh.
But why take a laugh break?
Because it’s – in my experience – one of the most reliable and quick-acting ways to relax, reduce stress and to find a lighter and more optimistic perspective on your day and life.
So in this post I’d like to help out with that and simply share some of the funniest quotes of…
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My fellow Americans, today I am formally announcing my candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.
Why? Because everyone else in the world is.
New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio announced his candidacy Thursday, which brings the total number of candidates to somewhere around 857, I believe.
Holy Clusterf***, Batman!
You think everyone wants a shot at donnie? They are lining up, friends.
I mean, can you imagine the stage for the debates? There’ll be more candidates than audience members. Just introducing them all will take up about half the allotted debate time. You’d need a program to follow along.
And honestly, I stand as good a chance as most of them.
So, why not? I don’t know a thing about running a country, but we’ve already proven that’s not a prerequisite for getting elected, right?
I mean, the economy, health care, foreign policy, the environment…how tough could this job really be?
So, yeah, vote for me, folks, and I promise to get on this stuff right away.
After all, I don’t have a Twitter account!
Oh, and at the debates, I’ll be the sixteenth guy from the right.
I’ll wave at you.
He literally had the world laughing at him Tuesday.
Speaking before the United Nations General Assembly, President donald trump broke the crowd of world leaders up with this surefire knee-slapper:
“In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country,”
Oh, that line just killed.
The assembled world leaders started laughing at him. Laughing at him!
Just think of that. The sheer spectacle of the President of the United States being laughed at in the United Nations.
To which he somewhat sheepishly rejoined: “Didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s okay.” (yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk…)
Probably expected a thunderous ovation. Maybe a parade around the U.N. building.
No. The leaders of the world treated him like it was Open Mic Night at the Improv.
Because they know a joke when they hear one. And when they see one.
We need a President who won’t be a laughing stock to the entire World.
Donald Trump tweet, 2014
The surprises life occasionally drops in your lap can sometimes be nothing short of incredible.
I drive a shuttle bus five days a week for a particular business. I’ve been driving it for two years, now. In that time, I’ve gotten to know several of the folks who ride it on a regular basis. I know many of them by name, and enjoy talking with them when they ride with me.
We’ll talk about just random stuff: music, sports, the job, the mercilessly hot weather (currently), whatever.
And, somewhere in the conversation, I try to get a laugh or two out of them; maybe make them forget a few seconds about the stress of the day. Some people, I can joke with relentlessly, because we know each other that well by now.
This one fellow, who shall remain nameless, and I are like that, but one day, we got a little deeper in our dialogue. I don’t recall how we got to this subject, but I shared my depression struggles with him, which led to him opening up about his depression, and sometimes thoughts of suicide.
He told me he’s thought about it “logically”, i.e., exactly how he would go about it.
I told him about how I wrestle with those same thoughts, and recommended that he get help, as I did. Because, like I’ve said before on this blog, that’s way too big a dragon to try and slay on your own.
He thanked me for the talk, and we haven’t brought it up since. Which is probably bad; I should have followed up on it with him. But, I don’t see him as much, now; since relocating to the main office, he doesn’t need to go to the other facility too often. Not that that’s any excuse.
So today, when I walked into the office, the lady at the security desk, who I also know, had a card for me from him. Now, we both expected it to be something funny, because he and I sometimes leave snarky little notes for each other with her. She kinda gets a kick out of being the go-between, I think.
Not this time. Instead, it was a thank-you card. Inside was a generous gift, and a note which read:
I really struggled on a daily basis with depression during my old job. Part of the reason I was always on the bus was you. Thank you for making me laugh and smile.
I just stood there for a minute, looking at that note, totally dumbfounded. I genuinely didn’t know what to think. I’m still trying to get a grasp of the significance of it.
At the very least, though, it’s immensely gratifying. I have no idea if I’ve helped anyone with what I’ve written on this blog; I can only hope. But, I can take some satisfaction in knowing I helped him.
With just a few jokes. Who would have thought?
I don’t know what this story will mean to you, if anything. Like I said, I’m still processing what it means to me.
But, have you ever been at a point in your life where you never envisioned yourself being, wondering why you were there?
I don’t know for sure, but maybe, this guy was the reason I’m right here, right now.
Which blows my mind just a little.
Love one another, y’all.
I gotta say, you dudes just crack me up when you stare at your cellphone, even while standing at the urinal in the men’s room.
Really, my man? You really can’t break away long enough to simply take a leak? What are you watching, a how-to video?
Frankly, I’m surprised you found the urinal. You could very well be peeing on the bathroom wall and have no idea. Or even found one where someone’s already standing, and right now, you’re ruining his new pants which DIDN’T COME CHEAP, PAL!
Besides, this looks like a dangerous practice to me. What if you drop that phone?
Myself, I think I would just leave it there and go buy a new one.
Maybe you have more confidence in your grip than I do. (On the phone, I mean.)
Look, guys, I know it’s a boring chore but, come on, we’ve done it for centuries without needing the entertainment of a phone. Just pause whatever you’re doing on there and take care of business, for Pete’s sake. It’s safer, not to mention, less stressful. For me, that is.
Which makes me wonder something else…
Do you fellas even put that phone down long enough for sex?
I mean, we’re talking roughly the same amount of time, right?
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