NOTE: To you-know-who, don’t let Jason ever read this.
So, as many of you know, I drive a shuttle bus in a part of town, all day, five days a week. Actually, I drive from one town to another and back, which is funny when you consider I just drive one mile each direction.
Anyway, both these towns are home to some very well-to-do people.
Which, as occurred to me today, explains the prevalence of pickup trucks rolling through the neighborhood, advertising pet poop pickup service.
I wouldn’t lie about something like this, although “pet poop pickup” is kinda fun to say, I must admit.
I mean, obviously, these well-off folks would never stoop (literally) to doing such a vulgar, disgusting chore so, thank God, there is someone available to do it for them.
Naturally, this raises a few questions:
- First of all, where were these guys on Career Day in school? They could have seriously altered the trajectory of my life.
- Who was the first person to say, “Hey, I can get paid for picking up this stuff!”
- Likewise, who was the first person to say, “Hey, I can pay someone to pick up this stuff!”
- What kind of experience lends itself to this kind of career? (I’m thinking, ex-Trump staff member, perhaps.)
- What must the training process be like for this work?
- Do you get to wear a suit, like those HAZMAT guys wear?
- What opportunity for advancement is there? Can you get promoted, maybe to Master Scooper? Expert Scooper? Super Duper Scooper?
- Would you even feel like taking a lunch break? Ever?
- And why have I seen ads for more than one company? Is there seriously competition for this job?
- What does it sound like when these guys “talk shop?” Example:
MOE: How’s business?
CURLY: Oh, it’s picking up, how about you?
MOE: Oh, I’m cleaning up, man!
- Do the dogs get to know you well enough to plan for your visits?
- Have I really written over 300 words on this topic?
I obviously have way too much time to think.