The earth is flat.

2+2=7.

Abraham Lincoln was a Backstreet Boy.

Meryl Streep is a man.

President trump’s Inauguration had the biggest audience in inauguration history.

None of these are falsehoods, mind you.

They are simply alternative facts.

 

Really, you just have to laugh.

On NBC-TV’s weekly news program, Meet the Press, White House counsel Kellyanne Conway was defending to host Chuck Todd the previous day’s statements by White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, who berated the media’s coverage of the crowd size at President trump’s Inauguration. (among other things)

“This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, PERIOD.”, Spicer proclaimed. “Both in person, and around the globe.” Of course, that statement is not supported by any evidence, whatsoever. He went on to make other unsubstantiated claims about how many people attended the inauguration.

So, yesterday, when Todd confronted Conway about the “falsehoods” Spicer presented, she provided the following astonishing explanation:

“You’re saying it’s a falsehood, but they’re giving, Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that…” (emphasis mine)

Brilliant!!

Now, why didn’t I ever think of that?

Son, are you lying to me?

No, Dad, these are alternative facts.

Oh, okay, then. Just don’t ever lie to me.

We’re cool, Dad.

Tell me, how well would that have worked for you? Pretty sure I know. But, talk about an ace in the hole. Just say whatever you want, then explain it away as “alternative facts.”

Um, actually, those are called lies, Ms. Conway.

And Chuck Todd’s response? “Look, alternative facts aren’t facts. They’re falsehoods.”

Ah, but alternative facts sound much more truthful, don’t they?

I’m telling you, these people defy all anatomical limits with their head placement.

And that’s the facts.