That White Stuff

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For my fellow Texans: This is called snow.

I know some of you have never seen it before.

We don’t get much of it around here, so when it shows up, we feel like declaring a national holiday.

Yaaaay, the snow is here!! It’s a winter wonderland! Snowball fights! Downhill sledding! Snow angels! Writing your name!

Yes, we like to get out and frolic and play in the snow, BUT…

…we keep an eye to the sky because, if we get a heavy accumulation, (like one to two inches) we’re hibernating.

That’s right, folks. We go on Lockdown and wait it out, surviving only on our wits and the most basic essentials: food, internet and cable TV.

A few intrepid individuals will venture out onto the roads, but they will invariably leave one thing at home.

Their common sense.

We Texans see anything on the road, we immediately go into full panic mode. The first thing we do is slam the brakes, always the safest move.

And when I say anything, I’m including rain, snow, sleet, volcanic ash…

Wait, scratch that. No volcanoes around here.

All you Northerners (known affectionately to us as Yankees) will, of course, chortle spitefully at our plight, claiming dismissively to have seen larger accumulations of dandruff.

Yeah, well you can all flake off!!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and chop down a few more trees for firewood. Maybe rassle a grizzly bear while I’m at it.

See you at Spring Thaw. Or, if you have a lisp, Spring Saw.

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