Why I Do This


People ask me all the time: “Stan, why do you write?”

To which I always reply: “My name’s not Stan.” (Where do they get that, anyway?)

Also, nobody asks me that, to be truthful. But, as a public service, I’ll tell you, anyway.

I’m obviously not in it for the money, since I don’t make any from this.

I don’t do it for the love of writing, even though I do kind of enjoy it.

I don’t do it to gain a following, though that’s certainly a nice benefit, and I’m grateful to you folks who do follow me; I hope you enjoy some of what I write, anyway.

I do it because I’m much better at it than talking.


Conversation has never been my strong suit. Still isn’t. Especially when it’s just me and one other person. I simply can’t think of how to initiate, or continue, a dialogue.

I usually think one of two things: What I want to talk about is so trivial, it’s just not worth even mentioning, or it’s so personal, I might say something I really didn’t want anyone to know. So, either way, I just stay quiet.

Also, there’s this to consider:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

The above quote, attributed at various times to Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln, among others, has been my own personal mantra since before I ever even heard it.

By far, my biggest insecurity about myself is about how smart (or stupid) other people perceive me to be. As I’ve explained before, this goes a long way back.

I just know that when I open my mouth and say something, the person I’m saying it to is internally rolling his or her eyes, thinking, “Geez, what kind of idiot am I talking to?” So, if I have opinions, I generally keep them to myself, for my own protection.

But, when I write, there’s nobody standing right in front of me, waiting for me to say something, or to react immediately to what I say, so I’m in a sort of Safe Zone here with my tablet. Whatever you may think of what I say, at least you won’t be telling me directly to my face.

I suppose that sounds cowardly, and perhaps, it is.

I’d love to be able to say what I feel out loud more often, but in the meantime, this little blog will have to do.

Again, I appreciate all my followers out there. Please keep reading, and I will do my best to present you with something worth your time.

Later, y’all.

Living With ED (Electoral Dysfunction)




Well, my fellow Americans, the big day is almost here, and the excitement is building to a fever pitch, whatever the Sam Hill that is. Does anybody even know? Didn’t think so. But, I digress.

The point is, Election Day is almost upon us. (Only 5 more shopping days!!) All the citizens who have had all this time to vote early, and still put it off, will march right down to their friendly neighborhood polling station, spend thirty minutes trying to figure out the electronic voting machine, and cast their all-important vote for the candidate of their choice.

Now, whether the machine records the vote correctly, well…

we all know the whole thing is rigged, anyway. Right, Donnie? Anyway…

Once the votes are all counted, a winner will officially be declared.

On January 6th.


Wait, what?

Whaddya mean, January 6th? This some kind of joke?

Welcome to Electoral College 101, class. If you’ve never learned this or, like me, learned and long since forgotten, this is for you. Pay, I say, pay close attention, now.

You keep hearing about electoral votes, how it will take 270 of those for one candidate to win. But, what does that mean, exactly?

Okay, the Electoral College is comprised of a designated number of voters from each state, as determined by the number of senators plus representatives in that state. (The District of Columbia gets three electoral votes, in case you were worried.) You have the same number of Republican and Democratic Electors in each state, so whichever candidate wins the popular vote in, let’s say, Texas, wins all the electoral votes from Texas in his or her party.

Hey, WAKE UP!!! That’s better. Now, where was I?

Nebraska and Maine are exceptions to this formula, but nobody knows or cares what happens there, anyway. Just kidding, all you nutty Nebraskans and you…uh…Maine-iacs.

Whoever gets 270 or more of the available 538 electoral votes nationwide is the winner. So, all of you out there who think your vote doesn’t count, consider: it could make a difference in your candidate winning or losing your state.

Why do we have this system, you ask? Glad you asked. If we just relied on the popular vote to decide the election, heavily populated states like California and Texas would have too much influence over the outcome. The Electoral College balances the voting power a little better.

So, each state’s block of electors (members of the winning candidate’s party) assembles in their respective state capitol on December 19th. At this assembly, the electors sign the “Certificate of Vote,” which is sealed and delivered to the Office of the President of the United States Senate.

A special joint session of the U.S. Congress convenes January 6th. At this meeting, the President of the Senate reads the Certificates of Vote and declares the official winner.

All nice, neat and tidy, right? Except…

(dramatic organ music, played on a dramatic organ)

Here’s where ED, Electoral Dysfunction, sometimes shows up. Occasionally, someone becomes a faithless elector, someone who votes for a candidate other than the one he or she pledged to elect. It’s a rare occurrence, but I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see it happen this election, as crazy as this campaign has been. So, that could make things interesting.

The punishment for a faithless elector is left up to the state in which it occurs, but usually, the guilty person is mercilessly flogged in the public square. Ha, ha! No, that’s not true. The guilty person has to watch replays of all this year’s debates.

I would definitely opt for the flogging. Just saying.

All right, there’s your little Electoral College lesson, students. I see many of you have fallen asleep (again) by now, so I’m confident this lesson has sunk in.

You’re very welcome.

Now, back to Chess With the Stars. And, coming up later, Celebrity Bingo Smackdown.